The Very Secret Diaries Big Bang Style
by psycholizard
Summary: Completely OOC. Idea stolen from the wonderful Cassie Claire. Ever wonder what Sheldon, Penny, Raj, Howard, and Leonard write in their Very Secret Diaries? Rated T for some innuendo.
1. The VSD of Dr Sheldon Cooper

**Day 34**

New roommate Leonard leaves much to be desired. He whistles. Specifically stated in ad that whistlers need not apply.

Still have not won Nobel Prize. Am the smartest

**Day 97**

New friends: 2. Names: Raj and Howard.

Leonard still whistling. Am contemplating the creation of a new roommate contract.

No progress made on the Nobel Prize but still the smartest.

**Day 102**

New friends: 0. Nobel Prize: 0

Thus far, not a promising day.

**Day 389**

Blonde girl moved into the apartment across the hall. V. hot. Think Raj and Howard might be gay.

Nope, no Nobel prize.

**Day 401**

Blonde girl has a name. Penny. Kinda cute. Have decided to make my move. Will let her win Halo. Expect kisses when she beats me.

Still smartest, but no Nobel.

**Day 402**

No kisses. Might she be gay too?

**Day 430**

Met 15 year old prodigy. Told me I am not the smartest. Will show him.

**Day 432**

Showed him.

Am still the smartest. Go me.

**Day 467**

Hung Penny's underwear on telephone wires. Have discovered she is V. hot when mad.

Hope she doesn't notice I stretched the purple pair.

No prize, no kisses.

**Day 502**

Today gave Penny hug. Did not receive kisses. Am V. frustrated. Will have to rethink strategy.

Still no Nobel Prize.

**Day 511**

Raj and Howard definitely gay. Think Leonard might be gay too. Caught him looking at my bum.

Still no prize.

**Day 514**

Leonard not gay. Caught him making out with Stephanie.

**Day 534**

New friends: 1 Nobel Prizes: 0

Must fire existing friend to make room for new friend. Will drop hints in questionnaire to upgrade Penny to "girlfriend" status.

**Day 535**

New friends: 0 Girlfriends: 0 Kisses: 0 Nobel Prizes: 0

This sucks.

**Day 565**

Nobel Prize: 0 Kisses: 0

Have decided absence makes the heart grow fonder. Am going to Antarctica. Am hoping for kisses on return.

Am still the smartest, thank God.

**Day 654**

Kisses: 1

Go me!!


	2. The VSD of Penny

**Day 18**

Today is my birthday. Kurt bought me roses. Told him I wanted a laser recalibration instrument instead. Am thinking of breaking up with him but am too horny.

V. pretty today.

**Day 20**

Kurt bought me a laser pointer. Apparently doesn't understand sarcasm. Informed him he is an idiot then broke up with him.

_Pints of Chocolate Fudge Ice Cream consumed: 0.47 Status: still horny_

**Day 24**

Found new apartment across the city. V. nice. Need to find guy with higher IQ then a poodle.

**Day 37**

_New neighbors: 2_

Tall neighbor def. has IQ higher then a poodle. Showed me his "white board". I think that's nerd talk for "I want to rip your clothes off and take you on the sofa." Could be mistaken. Better not assume.

Am V. horny.

**Day 42**

_Pints of Chocolate Fudge Ice Cream consumed: 0.63 Prospects: 0 Clothes: intact_

Tall neighbor (aka Sheldon) impervious to my charms. Might he be gay? Met other two nerd friends, Raj and Howard. Def. gay.

V. depressed. V. horny

**Day 49**

Played Halo. Beat Sheldon. Called me attractive. Def. not gay.

_Update: still horny, but really, really pretty._

**Day 55**

Displayed ample cleavage today. Sheldon did not jump me despite being not gay. Will have to rethink strategy.

Sexual frustration reaching new high.

At least I'm pretty.

**Day 115**

_Panties stolen: 16 Panties retrieved from telephone wire: 14 Panties missing: 2_

Purple panties are stretched. Suspect someone has been trying them on. Find this strangely erotic.

Damn it! Am now horny.

**Day 150**

Gave Sheldon present. Got hugged in return. Go me!!

**Day 159**

Raj and Howard definitely gay. Think Leonard might be gay too. Caught him looking at Sheldon's bum.

Still have not been jumped by Sheldon. Am still horny. Checked the mirror, am still pretty. Perhaps borrowing Raj's hair conditioner might do the trick?

_Pints of Chocolate Fudge Ice Cream consumed: 0.9_

**Day 160**

Used conditioner. No effect. Hair is v. smooth and silky though.

**Day 182**

Think Sheldon is making moves. Gave me questionnaire with strange questions. Unsure, will display cleavage and see what happens.

**Day 183**

_Prospects: still 0_

Displayed cleavage. No result.

Still unsatisfied. Still pretty.

**Day 187**

Caught myself looking at Howard today. Yuck. Am not _that_ horny.

Besides, Raj will kill me if I tried anything.

**Day 213**

Found out Sheldon is going to Antarctica. Will invest in webcam. Might be interesting. Maybe he'll jump me before he leaves?

**Day 223**

Did not jump me. Am still horny. Will be a long summer.

**Day 256**

"Accidently" left webcam on while I changed into work uniform. Think Sheldon saw. Go me!

**Day 257**

Found out Howard saw. Am V. disturbed. Supermarket was out of Chocolate Fudge Ice Cream.

**Day 258**

Received rude email from Raj stating the irresponsibility of leaving webcam on while changing.

Will be putting cheap store bought conditioner in expensive conditioner bottle when he gets home. Ha!

**Day 311**

Boys come home tomorrow. Maybe Sheldon will rip my clothes off.

V. horny.

**Day 312**

_Clothes: ripped_

Yay! Go me!!


	3. The VSD of Howard Wolowitz

**Day 6**

Jane in Robotics slapped me today. Must be the cologne. Have heard it brings out animal instincts in women.

New guy at work named Raj. Hair looks really soft.

Am still a sexy beast.

**Day 37**

Have decided that cologne is not worth the hassle. Will try new hair conditioner instead. Wonder what brand Raj uses. Will have to ask.

**Day 56**

Ate lunch with Raj. He introduced me to Leonard and Sheldon. Suspect Leonard is gay and has a crush on Raj. Will have to warn Raj.

**Day 59**

Raj told me Sheldon and Leonard live together. Looks like Raj is safe from any advances made by that horn rimmed nerdy bastard Leonard.

Am still the sexy beast.

**Day 69**

Suspect Sheldon is not gay. Could cause problems if Leonard makes the moves on Raj.

Unless Raj wants Leonard to make the moves.

Wonder if Raj would mind that?

**Day 72**

Played paintball with Raj, Leonard, and Sheldn. Had awkward moment when I tackled Raj to the ground. Was only protecting him from enemy fire.

Realized in the nick of time that I was lying on his gun. Good thing I didn't say anything. Might have been awkward.

**Day 105**

Visited Leonard and Sheldon. They have a new neighbor, Penny. V. hot.

Btw, Sheldon def. not gay. Caught him looking at Penny's bum.

**Day 112**

Suspect Leonard is not gay and is developing a crush on Penny. Better not try anything, Sheldon will kill him.

In other news, touched Raj's hair. Don't think he noticed.

Am def. a sexy beast.

**Day 135**

Raj had feathered bangs today.

**Day 188 **

Found three pairs of panties on the ground. Think they're Penny's. V. pretty. Took the cheetah and black lace. Left the purple. Too misshapen.

**Day 189**

Found out Sheldon stole Penny's panties. Can't return them. That would be awkward.

Suspect Sheldon of having weird panty fetish.

**Day 201**

Received questionnaire from Sheldon. Strange questions. Think he likes me.

**Day 202**

Sheldon fired Raj.

Maybe Raj will need comfort.

Still the sexy beast.

**Day 232 **

Am confused by Leonard's sexuality. Caught him looking at Sheldon's bum.

**Day 286**

Leaving for Antarctica. Will be alone for three months with Sheldon, Leonard, and Raj.

Go me!

**Day 319**

Saw Penny getting dressed on webcam. Managed to hide before she saw me. V. hot. Cute bum.

**Day 320**

Think Raj saw me watching Penny. Might be jealous? Will have to investigate further.

**Day 321**

Was jeaous.

Go me!!

**Day 375**

Think Leonard will need a new roommate. Will ask Raj if he can move in with us.

V. sexy.


End file.
